“I write poetry from time to time and have a poem in the Poetry 4 Grenfell book. Many of my poems are in response to deep personal grief from when my younger daughter died nearly 7 years ago, others are spiritual thoughts and some are for fun. Until about a fortnight ago it was 3 years since I wrote anything, however being part of the VAP Sessions has allowed me to read some of my poems and given me an ease to write more. I am sharing a very recent poem which also has grace for Grenfell grief recovery as well.
I live in Fulham and the Grove has been dear to me since my teens and I have many friends locally including Empress Emmanuelle founder of Kamitan Arts who I have known since she was very young. I shared a house with friends on Talbot Road briefly in 1971 and worked on adventure playgrounds locally. I am currently known as a radio producer/presenter and DJ and have also been an artist manager/agent/promoter and journalist. I used to be Arts Officer for RBKC in the 90s/early 2000s working closely with the community, especially in Arts in Education and I programmed the music for the early Portobello Arts Festival.“ – Debbie Golt
Today I forgot to be sad Every now and again I feel a lift Too often I resist My emotions bid to be attached Like the half of a dandelion clock that Always stays Every day something small reminds me of you, everyday objects Today it’s the marvellous mixer blender you delighted in I had an aching feeling as I made my morning drink Began to berate myself For something I did and something I did not do That may or may not have done something to you And not for the first time Wondered if a confession to someone would make A difference But who would I tell and why? It won’t bring you back I thought about all the things I did and didn’t do And asked myself again if any of that Caused you trouble But what can I do with that now It won’t bring you back I remind myself that I did do the best I could It won’t bring you back There’s not a day I don’t think of you Not a day Some of those days I felt sad Some of these days I find myself crying silently I don’t know what makes me stop It won’t bring you back And as I was drinking the green drink the ache subsided And I found myself telling myself that the thinking Is my thoughts watching over things And I waited, I let the thoughts wander And I waited, I waited to let go And as I let go, I sensed that gossamer tuft release some more Today I forgot to be sad Sometimes there’s this pure feeling It’s like a flower bud waiting to open And reveal the beauty inside It’s like the tease of a flame before The kindling catches alight And little sparks grow in confidence and take flight It’s like prose fledging as a poem As it becomes right It’s knowing that you are still here You never left my heart, my feelings. my mind You are here in my heart You know how I so deeply love you That’s what my thoughts tell me I choose to accept It won’t bring you back You are not gone in that way My love for you hasn’t gone away anywhere Your essence is here still Today I forgot to be sad Today I forgot to be sad It won’t bring you back I was just along the coast from a favourite place We shared many special times together I felt how you would have loved the exhibition, the good food The stillness by the sea I expected tears to fill my eyes and I Certainly sensed a strong emotion That dandelion gossamer lift held by a light thread A sense of joy This time I didn’t resist I let my unformed thoughts watch over me again And my mind’s eye saw the little fluffy seed pod fly I stepped aside, I let go It won’t bring you back Today I forgot to be sad © Debbie Golt July 2020