Home > Covid Chronicles > Poetry by Debbie Golt

“I write poetry from time to time and have a poem in the Poetry 4 Grenfell book. Many of my poems are in response to deep personal grief from when my younger daughter died nearly 7 years ago, others are spiritual thoughts and some are for fun. Until about a fortnight ago it was 3 years since I wrote anything, however being part of the VAP Sessions has allowed me to read some of my poems and given me an ease to write more. I am sharing a very recent poem which also has grace for Grenfell grief recovery as well.

I live in Fulham and the Grove has been dear to me since my teens and I have many friends locally including Empress Emmanuelle founder of Kamitan Arts who I have known since she was very young. I shared a house with friends on Talbot Road briefly in 1971 and worked on adventure playgrounds locally. I am currently known as a radio producer/presenter and DJ and have also been an artist manager/agent/promoter and journalist. I used to be Arts Officer for RBKC in the 90s/early 2000s working closely with the community, especially in Arts in Education and I programmed the music for the early Portobello Arts Festival.
– Debbie Golt

Today I forgot to be sad

Every now and again I feel a lift
Too often I resist
My emotions bid to be attached
Like the half of a dandelion clock that
Always stays
Every day something small reminds me of you, everyday objects
Today it’s the marvellous mixer blender you delighted in
I had an aching feeling as I made my morning drink
Began to berate myself
For something I did and something I did not do
That may or may not have done something to you
And not for the first time
Wondered if a confession to someone would make
A difference
But who would I tell and why?
It won’t bring you back

I thought about all the things I did and didn’t do
And asked myself again if any of that
Caused you trouble
But what can I do with that now
It won’t bring you back
I remind myself that I did do the best I could
It won’t bring you back
There’s not a day I don’t think of you
Not a day
Some of those days I felt sad
Some of these days I find myself crying silently
I don’t know what makes me stop
It won’t bring you back
And as I was drinking the green drink the ache subsided
And I found myself telling myself that the thinking
Is my thoughts watching over things
And I waited, I let the thoughts wander
And I waited, I waited to let go
And as I let go, I sensed that gossamer tuft release some more
Today I forgot to be sad

Sometimes there’s this pure feeling
It’s like a flower bud waiting to open
And reveal the beauty inside
It’s like the tease of a flame before
The kindling catches alight
And little sparks grow in confidence and take flight
It’s like prose fledging as a poem
As it becomes right
It’s knowing that you are still here
You never left my heart, my feelings. my mind
You are here in my heart
You know how I so deeply love you
That’s what my thoughts tell me
I choose to accept
It won’t bring you back
You are not gone in that way
My love for you hasn’t gone away anywhere
Your essence is here still
Today I forgot to be sad

Today I forgot to be sad
It won’t bring you back
I was just along the coast from a favourite place
We shared many special times together
I felt how you would have loved the exhibition, the good food
The stillness by the sea
I expected tears to fill my eyes and I
Certainly sensed a strong emotion
That dandelion gossamer lift held by a light thread
A sense of joy
This time I didn’t resist
I let my unformed thoughts watch over me again
And my mind’s eye saw the little fluffy seed pod fly
I stepped aside, I let go
It won’t bring you back
Today I forgot to be sad

© Debbie Golt July 2020